Well for those of you holding your breath, or set egg timers (that was adorable by the way!!), waiting to find out if I’m pregnant (because I have no doubt you are all that concerned with my life!), I am not pregnant! I knew this about 36 hours ago, but have not been able to really deal with the overwhelming emotions until now! I had convinced myself that I was pregnant. It was odd, and even though I knew in my head that I couldn’t really know, my mind someone found the signs. So much for the knowing!!! For the last several days, I have been feeling waves of nausea, albeit slight, I focused on it! I also didn’t get the typical PMS symptoms. I’m not sure how my body manifested this one, but the mind is a powerful organ!
My mind has also gotten me through the last 36 hours! Although I did a lot of crying (and I mean a lot!!!), I have been able to not shut down. I’ve also been pretty good at compartmentalizing my emotions, but this has surprised even me! Even though there is a heaviness that I feel physically, I am in a pretty good mood today, and the crying has decreased significantly. Both are blessings since I’ve forced myself to come to work.
The next step is to have an HSG, which stands for hysterosalpingogram. I’m really glad I can just type that because I have absolutely no idea how to pronounce it!!! Basically, they will inject a dye into my uterus, which will flow into the fallopian tubes if they aren’t blocked (which is what it’s checking for) and allow then to be seen with x-ray. It will also reveal any abnormalities of the uterus.
To be honest, I think they are doing this because they feel like I need something done! I did read on the internet, however (gotta love Google!!!), that often just the process of having the dye forced through the fallopian tubes can dislodge any blockage and allow for easier pregnancy. We’ll see. The side effects can be infection or severe cramping, neither of which I’m looking forward to, but I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’m still considering the acupuncture, but it’s so expensive!
Feeling for the day, probably continuing through the week: Numb!!
2 comments:
Take heart, and know you are not the first to suffer disappointment, or pain. It is just the first time you have been right there in that moment with it, and it will pass, and you will survive to flourish. We that follow your journey, can not fully understand this, we can only accept that you have determined to persevere, that is heroism, that is the underdog, that which is yours becomes our strength.
Thank you. Kind and wise words!
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