Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Well, I am not pregnant. I attempted to construct a blog the day I found out, but couldn't bring myself to form the words. I can't begin to describe the level of disappointment I am feeling. I couldn't even form tears this time. I was numb. I think I still am to a degree, because I need to choose a new donor and haven't been able to bring myself to even review the options. I am at a standstill. I may take this month off to regroup.

My mother is still in town, and she, my sister, and I are headed out of town on Fri for a long weekend. I'm hoping this will help to rejuvinate me. The next try will be another assisted IUI, so I need to decide soon, but I've decided not to pressure myself.

I want to thank everyone for the continued support! I can't tell you how appreciated it is.

I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Pins and needles

I know all of you are shocked that I am behind in posting again!!! Wait until I also have a baby to take care of. I’ll never be on time for anything again.

Here’s the scoop. This round, I did an assisted IUI, meaning they trigged my ovulation in order to control the timing. On the 12th day of my cycle I went in for a vaginal ultrasound. Now I have to stop here, and point out that there can’t possibly be that many blogs with the word vaginal in them, so savor this moment please. Anyway, for those of you who’ve never had one, it’s an interesting experience. It’s not painful or uncomfortable, just odd. It’s basically a big plastic probe with an ultrasound “camera” on the end. They look for mature follicles and if they find one big enough, you get a shot of ovadril to trigger the egg to be released.

What amazes me about all of these medical procedures is how secretive the doctors are about all of this. I am naked (vaginal and naked in the same blog post, I need to point out!) from the waist down and lying on the table with my feet in the stirrups. Imagine that! And the have the camera completely turned away so you can’t see what’s going on and are talking in hushed tones like I’m not in the room. What is that about?? We are inside my body. I think I have the right to see it. And it’s not like it’s surgery. I can’t even tell what the picture is of. Because, of course, I looked at the screen when I was able to get up, and I didn’t do it subtly!

I am learning so many of the hilarities of the medical profession! Anyway, then the reproduction nurse takes me into the regular exam room and teaches me how to administer this shot of ovadril to myself. Oh yes, you read that right. I had to give myself a shot!!! Now, before you go getting all proud of me….I totally chickened out and had my friend Mike come over and give me the shot. Sorry, I’m disappointed in myself as well. Would have made for better copy if I had this dramatic story about giving this shot to myself. As it turns out, the shot isn’t that bad, and I probably could have done it. But who knew!

He gives me the shot in my stomach, and the needle is pretty tiny, so I don’t even really feel a prick. I admit, I’m a baby. In general, shots don’t bother me that much, but the thought of giving it to myself did make me weak in the knees! I think this is where I will blame my sister because I didn’t get that worked up about it until I talked to her and she was freaked out about it and offered to drive over to do it. (Note: I still love you D!)

That Sat, I go in for the insemination, which was pretty routine, although I did have that horrible cramping like I did the first round, so I spent the day in bed. Now, I am waiting. I will know in a few days, but for some reason I don’t think it worked. I’m not really sure why I’m feeling that way other than my body feels like it does pre-menstrual. Many of the “symptoms” of pregnancy are the same, so I could be wrong, but I’m not getting my hopes up. This may be a bit self-protective as well, because the let down has been getting harder each time! I am not sure what day to expect my period, as I didn’t even count days this round. I could easily figure it out, but I am trying to not focus on it as much.

I promise I will post when I know! Everyone think baby thoughts!!!