Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Baby Daddy!!!

I have chosen the donor. My baby daddy is donor PC 1078. I’m not actually pregnant, so technically there isn’t a baby or a baby daddy yet, but it’s just so darn fun to say! Once I got into the picking process it wasn’t really all that difficult….surprisingly and somewhat disappointingly. It was somewhat anticlimactic. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but some sort of fireworks or thunderclap would have been nice!

One of the things I “discovered” along the way is that I don’t want a picture of the donor. I much prefer for him to just have a number and be a clinical procedure. My top pick based solely on the short profile turned out to be an open donor, so when I ordered the long profile I was able to get baby pictures and a recent picture of him. Sounds interesting right!? You get to see what your child might look like. Only interesting in theory. First off, HE’S A CHILD! It was a little strange to see how young he was. (Interestingly enough, the donor I ultimately chose is a little older! I could probably psychoanalyze that, but I’m not going there!) Secondly, I don’t want that picture in my head. I don’t want him to be an actual person. I had no idea I would feel this way, but it was a pretty strong repulsion to seeing him as a human being and not just a vial of genetic material. Maybe I will feel differently when there is an actual baby and I have to explain this decision. If I do, the donor I chose is also an open donor and I can get this info at that time.

So basically, after my freak out over seeing this child’s picture, (My sister gets creeped out when I call him a child, so I have to keep doing it!) I only ordered the long family medical history info for the next 5 donors I was interested in. My sister and I went out for dinner, ordered a bottle of wine and read through them. I had my favorite going in, based on my own family medical history. My sister immediately agreed with me and then that was it. I wanted to make some sort of announcement or something, but we just sat there looking at each other, both with these stupid grins. And then we drank more wine!!!!

Anyway, it came down to a rule out process of family medical history and amount of alcohol, tobacco, and drugs consumed. Sounds so bad. I should be able to brag about some outstanding characteristic, but honestly he was just the healthiest. So here are the stats. He’s 6’2”, 195 lbs. He has brown hair, brown eyes, and a medium build. He has a Master’s degree in counselor education, and is a marathon runner and triathlete. He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink coffee, has never used drugs, and has always been an athlete.

I ordered my first vial on Monday and will begin testing my fertility next Tues. When my hormone level spikes, I will go in for the insemination. I am feeling a mixture of excitement and fear, but am trying not to put too much emotion into it. I haven’t been able to wrap my head around the possibility of not being able to get pregnant. I think that’s something that I will have to deal with as it occurs. Despite my best effort, I can’t always be prepared emotionally! I’ve also learned that I don’t always want to be. I like the anticipation and the build up. I have to be honest, however, it is difficult not to go too far the other way. I don’t want to face not getting pregnant, but I also don’t want to just assume it will happen. It’s hard to stop yourself from planning and thinking about baby stuff. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not pregnant...... yet!


Impulsive said...

That's a great description of a process that is nothing short of amazing. You have to be part exhilarated and part relieved that you've made it through this part of the process. Congrats.

MLG said...

Thanks Impulsive! It is a strange mix of feelings. I will keep everyone posted!